Being in a relationship with someone who feels insecure can be hard. it might come off as jealousy, asking lots of questions, or always need to hear that you love them. To help your partner and your relationship, it’s important to know why they feel like that. See some common reasons why your partner may be insecure and how you can support them.
1. Past Traumas and Heartbreaks
One of the most common causes of insecurity is a history of emotional pain. If your partner has been betrayed, cheated on, or deeply hurt in previous relationships, they will carry all those wounds into your relationship like they are moving to another country and not planning to come back. it’s normal for them to fear it might happen again. These experiences can leave emotional scars that can be affecting their current relationship with you.
How it shows:
- They frequently ask if you still care about them.
- They’re overly suspicious of harmless moves, like going out with a friend.
What you can do:
- Be patient and show them you’re trustworthy.
- If you make any promise to them, do your best to keep it. Just show them you are loyal.
- I also recommend you suggest therapy to help them heal from past wounds. if your finances can.
2. Low Self Esteem
If your partner struggles with low self esteem, they might think they’re not good enough for you. This insecurity can lead to fears that you’ll leave them for someone “better.” that you might meet when you are out without them. This perception can lead them to be super clingy or overly controlling. (I’m sorry you are going through this)
How it shows:
- They compare themselves to others and feel less.
- They’re overly sensitive to criticism, even when it’s constructive. (you didn’t mean to hurt their feelings)
What you can do:
- Compliment them genuinely with every little chance you get.
- Celebrate their strengths and accomplishments. (no matter how small)
- Encourage and guide them to pursue personal growth and self confidence.
3. Comparing to Others
Social media can make people feel like their lives or relationships don’t measure up. If your partner sees “perfect” couples online, then all of a sudden you two are now clowns. you’d be surprise how many relationships instagram “couple goals” contents has ruined.
How it shows:
- They talk about how other couples seem happier or better than you two.
- They feel upset because they think your relationship is lacking. Because in their eyes, your relationship falls short of these unrealistic standards.
What you can do:
- Spend less time on social media together, unless it’s making you money.
- Focus on the good parts of your relationship instead of comparing.
- Have honest conversations about what matters most to both of you.
4. Fear of Abandonment
If your partner has a deep seated fear of being abandoned, it will drive them to act in ways that feel overwhelming. This fear mostly comes from childhood experiences, like losing a parent, neglect, or a chaotic family background. this might force them to cling to you.
How it shows:
- They panic if you don’t respond immediately to texts or calls.
- They want to spend all their time with you.
What you can do:
- Set clear but lovely boundaries to reassure them.
- Be transparent with your whereabouts or plans, this will reduce their anxiety.
- Again, suggest professional help if the fear is too much.
5. Lack of Trust
Sometimes, insecurity happens because your partner finds it hard to trust. This could be because of what has happened to them before or things they’ve seen happen to others. Hence’ They are struggling to believe that you’re fully committed to them.
How it shows:
- They check your phone and social media without permission, or ask lots of questions about your day.
- They don’t believe you even when you’re being honest.
What you can do:
- Try being open and honest with them about your life.
- Just do your best to avoid doing things that could seem secretive.
- Talk about how trust is important in a healthy relationship.
6. Expecting Too Much
If your partner has high expectations for your relationship, they might feel insecure when things are not perfect. They would think that fights mean the relationship is over or that you are not happy to be with them.
How it shows:
- They feel hurt by small arguments or mistakes.
- They try too hard to please you because they are afraid you will leave.
What you can do:
- Remind them that no relationship is perfect.
- Focus on growing together instead of being flawless.
- Share your own struggles with them to show that it’s okay to not be perfect. it’s okay to be human.
7. You are the problem
Your partner could feel insecure because of your actions. Maybe you’ve broken their trust before or haven’t been clear about your feelings. If you’ve lied, cheated, or acted suspiciously, it’s natural for them to feel unsure about you.
How it shows:
- They question your intentions and don’t feel secure in the relationship.
- They bring up things you’ve done before that hurt them.
What you can do:
- Be honest and consistent in your actions and words.
- Apologize and take responsibility if you’ve hurt them.
- Work to rebuild trust through transparency and understanding. might take a while but you have to be patient.
Helping an insecure partner isn’t always easy, but it can make your relationship stronger. The most important things are patience, open communication, and understanding. While you can’t fix their insecurities for them, you can create a safe space where they feel loved and supported.Remember, though, that your happiness matters too. If their insecurity starts to harm you or the relationship, it’s okay to ask for outside help or rethink the relationship.
