Being nice is a great quality, but being too nice can actually damage your relationships. It’s like YES’ing your way into being invisible, you’ll definitely end up resenting yourself or the other people. Being overly agreeable can cause problems and this is how you can help yourself to find the balance between kind and confident.
1. You’re Always Saying “Yes” (Even When You Don’t Want To)
When you always agree to keep others happy, you ignore your own needs. This is the quickest way to feel frustrated and burnt out, believe me!. Sure, saying “yes” feels easier in the moment, but it’s a fast track to resentment.
Example: Your coworker asks you to cover their shift. It’s your day off, but you say, “Of course!” Later, while they’re posting beach photos on instagram, you’re stuck at work feeling used.
What to Do Instead: Start by saying, “Let me check my schedule,” even if you’re free. This gives you time to think and politely say no if you need to.
2. You Don’t Set Boundaries
When you’re too nice, people may unknowingly overstep your boundaries. You end up doing things you don’t want to, just to avoid conflict, and you won’t blame them for using you. Humans, we are naturally selfish; we are always looking for what favors us. So maybe it’s time you selfish up a little.
Example: Your friend keeps calling late at night to vent about their problems, even though you’ve mentioned how tired you are. You pick up every time, even when it’s affecting your sleep.
What to Do Instead: Say, “I care about you, but I can’t talk late at night. Let’s catch up earlier in the day.” This shows you value the relationship, but also your own well being.
3. You Become Predictable
Always going along with everything can make things feel repetitive in your relationships. A little individuality and a touch of challenge keep things interesting.
Example: Your partner always asks where to go for dinner, and you always say, “Whatever you want.” They pick the same place every time. Now you’re bored but don’t speak up.
What to Do Instead: Next time, say, “Let’s try that new Nigerian place I’ve heard about.” Sharing your preferences keeps the dynamic fresh, and it shows you’re not afraid to take the lead. your partner would love that.
4. You Bottle Up Resentment
When you’re always putting everyone else’s needs before your own, you start ignoring how you really feel. Over time, it makes you forget who you are, leading to confusion and irrational behavior. That buildup turns into frustration, and eventually, you’ll explode over something very small, something that is not even a big deal. this may seem like it’s other people’s fault, in reality, it’s all on you.
Lets say: Your partner leaves dishes in the sink every day. You don’t say anything for weeks, but one day you explode, yelling, “Why can’t you EVER do anything around here?”
What to Do Instead: Have small, honest conversations before things escalate. Say, “Hey, it would mean a lot to me if you helped with the dishes more often.” It’s better than letting things boil over.
Being kind doesn’t mean letting people walk all over you. You’ve got to speak up for your own needs, set boundaries, and don’t be afraid to say no. Relationships need balance, it's not about one person always giving in. You’ve got to take care of yourself first, because only then can you truly show up for others. And this applies to financial help too. If a friend asks for money and you're not in a good spot, don’t give away the little you have just to make them happy. Keep your $10 for your own dinner, instead of giving it to someone who's short on cash for a new pair of sneakers.
